08/03/18
I'm going to St Isaac’s cathedral to see a beautiful panoramic view of the city. And here’s a juicy plot twist for you: my visit to the cathedral is for a date with a real Russian man called Andrei !! So basically last week I was having a hungover burger with Georgie and Fergus and as we were leaving he approached me and asked for my name and number. I was so shocked and embarrassed I hurriedly obliged and left the restaurant in a fluster, only realising afterwards that I’d barely looked at him properly when I tapped the number into his phone to satisfy Georgie’s encouraging nudges. When the date came I was a bit nervous he was going to turn out to be unattractive or weird, but I was pleasantly surprised by a tall, brunette, blueish eyed, well dressed 26 year old. Our conversation was a bit stagnated as I made my best attempts in Russian and he made his in English. We got some coffee and hugged goodbye and I patted myself on the back for actually going on a real Russian date !
A view from the top
10/03/18
On Saturday I had my second date with Andrei and it was a complete and utter disaster ! I met him along Nevsky Prospekt and almost didn’t recognise him – he’d sleeked his hair back awfully and was wearing a really tight pair or trousers with a horribly grandadish jumper/jacket. And he looked kind of ill. We went to a nice restaurant and I spent ages perusing the Russian menu trying to find something I recognised and hopefully liked. I didn’t want to ask for the English menu and look like an unsophisticated fool. Eventually I went for the salmon but then Andrei said he wasn’t hungry. Annoyed, I cancelled my order because I wasn’t going to have him watch me eat...and when was he planning on eating ?? Was he not a foodie ? Off to an odd start, my annoyance only increased. I was missing the rugby especially for this dinner so I could barely concentrate on a word he was saying. He was being so quiet, hardly opening his mouth to talk and droning on about politics r e a l l y s l o w l y. Then he started asking me really odd questions, which didn’t fit into our conversation and must have been pre-thought up. For example: “How do you measure the depth of someone’s eyes?” and “what is the last thing you think of before you sleep?” to which I replied “probably my friends, family and things I have to do tomorrow” and then he said “I think of nothing”. Since he was sounding more a more like a psychopath, I tried to make my excuse to leave but he didn't get the hint. Instead of letting me go and meet my flatmates, he watched England lose with us in uncomfortable silence. He ordered the darkest most disgusting looking beer and I could see him visibly convulsing with every sip. The final straw was when I noticed his iPhone background was one of the Apple stock photos, a sign that this was the end of our love story.
Tourists of Saint Petersburg, despite this love story's unhappy ending, do not let it dissuade you from visiting the impressive St Isaac's Cathedral and if you want a bite to eat afterwards, do please go and sample the salmon I never got the chance to taste at My Zhe Na Ty. The ambience is very cosy, trendy and I'm sure worth staying for a full meal if your date is as hungry as you are.