A comparative look into the inevitability of job rejections and romantic rejections that characterise the vulnerable age and stage of your 3rd decade on earth
On arriving at the ripe old age of 23 last week, a thought that lingered in the back of my mind during the perfunctory candle blowing and present opening, was how much I had pinned on my mid-twenties and how much it didn’t look anything like I’d expected. I’m not referring to a surprise birthday party, nor the surprise pandemic (though that really was unexpected). In fact, sixteen-year-old me thought that at 23, even if I hadn’t moved out and started earning trillions, I might at least have a job or a boyfriend or both. All you need is a LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook account to receive daily virtual reminders that you are jobless or single. No matter how many times you launch your CV into cyber space or put yourself out there on dating apps or in someone's DMs, one way or another you will be faced with rejection. Being ignored, turned down or strung along is an already unpleasant feeling, but there is something especially harmful about experiencing it in both aspects of life that seem most important to your young, hopeful, ambitious self. I’m not about to throw a pity party or say poor you to anyone. Quite the opposite. Rejection is an essential part of life that you can’t hide from and it would be ill-advised trying. The most important lesson I have ever learned has come from being rejected. It is a simple three word sentence. Don't give up. This is not ground-breaking or new information, nor is it a quick fix when you’re feeling down about not getting past the third round of interviews and assessment centres for that corporate internship that expected you to work a 50 hour week in Surrey, wouldn’t cover travel expenses, but would give you lunch vouchers for any of the food chains in the neighbouring shopping mall. That said, it is the only way to move on after a particularly nasty helping of rejection.
I recently applied for a customer service role in Wandsworth which on the surface ticked many boxes: temporary contract, walkable commute, easy job description, renewed sense of purpose, income. There were only 3 other candidates up for the role and I overheard the interviewee before me say that she’d never done any customer service roles before. I was a shoe-in. Sadly, or not so sadly, I was unsuccessful. I realised that in my hunger for any source of income I’d overlooked the measly 8.50/hour rate, the miserable warehouse I would be confined to, the expectation that I would work every Saturday in July and August, the fact that I was probably overqualified, and that the company was so small it wouldn’t add much to my CV. On reflection I felt neither sadness nor regret, but instead I heard myself saying “yeah well I didn’t want it anyway, I deserve better than that, it’s their loss”. These words are the same ones we use to comfort ourselves when someone we have our eye on rejects us. After endlessly and pointlessly questioning their reasons, we have an epiphany and mock the idea that we were ever interested in them. More importantly, you recognise the necessity of this rejection in order to find the thing we truly wanted all along, the thing that you actually deserved. While it is not always easy seeing the bigger picture, that is the only thing that will stop you from giving up. If you get consumed in the apparent failures of not being asked out or getting hired, you will never succeed in love, in work or quite frankly anywhere else. The only thing I will allow you to mourn is the time you wasted on the wrong person or applying for the wrong job. However the truth is, it wasn’t a waste if you used it to propel your search for the right one, rather than stop it in its tracks.
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